I actually never thought this day would come, me writing about how I got friend-zoned. The point of this post is for me to reflect on my mistakes and for you to learn how to avoid these same mistakes. Additionally, although I’m writing from my own perspective, female readers should also find some value here because the friend zone works in both directions.
First, I have to lay the foundation. I am 21 years old but have never had a serious relationship with a girl. One of the main reasons has been my hectic lifestyle, I simply haven’t had the time for a relationship. If I would have wanted I could have gotten into a relationship many times, but I’m quite picky and don’t want to hurt the girl by staying just until I find someone better. This probably deserves an own blog post so lets continue with the actual topic. Although I haven’t been in a relationship, I’ve had sex multiple times, I’m telling you this just so can better understand the whole picture. My point is, I have friend zoned a lot of girls, but have never gotten friend zoned myself, until now.
It all started last December at a party where I met this wonderful girl. She was a bit shy and seemed innocent. She was also very down to earth, a trait that is hard to find nowadays with everybody so concerned about themselves and what other people think about them. Snapchat is the epitome of this, and I don’t personally have Snapchat, nor ever will I. Moving on, we talked for a while and found we had a lot in common. I ended up sleeping the night at her place on a mattress, but in the morning she crawled besides me. We laid there for a while and it was wonderful. After breakfast we decided to go ice skating some day, after which I had to go home.
In the coming month we went to a museum together and also ice skating as planned. I also slept another night at her place in this time, again after a student party. After this there was a period when we didn’t meet for a while. I didn’t feel the need to rush anything, and after about a month I decided to ask her overnight to my place. This is when I got friend zoned. The girl was unsure about what I wanted from her, she said she didn’t look for anything serious at this time but wished that we could stay as friends. It was a lot to digest and I was pretty disappointed. What had I done wrong?
The mistake I made was probably that I wasn’t aggressive enough, or did anything for that matter. I never tried to kiss her or take it even further. Because of her shyness I didn’t want to pressure her and destroy what we had. It’s so rare to find a girl of this kind: beautiful, smart, kind and down to earth. In hindsight, I can see how my strategy instead turned against myself. When I asked her about the sleepover she probably thought that I just wanted to have sex with her, given that we hadn’t talked in a while. Sure, that was a part of the plan but I would have also wished we could have become a couple some day. I could of course be wrong with my analysis, but I don’t see why a girl would otherwise happily go on a couple of dates and then later say she doesn’t look for a relationship, or sex for that matter.
I had always thought that if I wanted a decent girl, it probably isn’t the best idea to have sex the first time you meet. But apparently, it can also lead the girl to believe that you aren’t that interested in her. This of course will vary from girl to girl which makes this whole matter quite complicated. Better communication would help but I think this can be a though topic to talk about without making it awkward.
This experience teached me a lot. It’s different to read about these things on the internet and actually experience them for yourself. I think the best way forward is to either make it physical directly, or at least make it very clear that you are sexually interested in the other person and maybe ask her on a date, where you should definitely try to kiss her. If you get rejected, you haven’t invested too much time yet and you can happily continue your search of that special someone. And remember, getting friend zoned isn’t the end of the world, it happens to everybody.
Ps. If you want to give any helpful advice, write a comment, I happily discuss this topic further.